I’m fine, but it was a pretty scary and long day.

I want to share what happened because I believe it is a good learning experience.

I didn’t sleep Tuesday night because of pain in my chest and upper back. I tossed and turned all night, nervous to fall asleep because I was scared I wouldn’t wake up.

You see, I had just flown home from Europe that day and was concerned because I have a chronic DVT in one of my legs, and I thought I had a pulmonary embolism. In fact, I had myself pretty convinced….but simultaneously, I was chastising myself for being “dramatic.”

I kept telling myself-
Knock it off, breathe, and relax.
Nothing is wrong with you!
You’re being so dramatic!

I was gaslighting myself!!

I eventually decided that I would go to the ER in the morning. Greg was still in London, and there was no way I would go to the ER in NYC in the middle of the night…alone.

After making that decision, I managed to sleep off and on for a couple of hours.

However, when I got out of bed, I started to re-nig that decision.

I started telling myself that it wasn’t so bad.
That I’d wait a bit and see if it got better.
That I didn’t want to bother the people working in the ER.

WTF!!??

Yup, I started making light of my experience, but thankfully, I have the tools to recognize what I was doing.

I stopped and asked myself…if your husband or kids were experiencing this, what would you want them to do?

I would want them to acknowledge the experience they were having.
I would want them to get themselves checked out asap.
I would want them to recognize that the people in ER are there to help them, and it’s not a bother!

So why didn’t I want that for myself?

Truth is, I did!
Of course, I did!

But as women, we are taught to doubt ourselves.
We are taught not to draw attention to ourselves by being “dramatic.”
We are taught to minimize what we are feeling.
We are taught that if we ask things of others, we are “bothering” them.

I don’t want to believe ANY of that shit anymore!

Nope!

I challenge all of it!!

I gave myself permission to acknowledge my experience!
I gave myself permission to feel my feelings!
I gave myself permission to ask for what I needed!

Soooo…..I took my ass to the ER to get checked out.

Everyone was super friendly and helpful.
They took me seriously.
They drew blood.
They ran the appropriate tests.

They assured me that I did not have a pulmonary embolism or a heart attack.

Thank GOD!

(What I was experiencing was most likely from this chronic immune system disease that has to do w eating certain foods. I’ve allowed myself to become a little lackadaisical about it lately.)

Before doing this work, I would have talked myself out of going that day.

I would’ve been panicking again that night and pissed off at myself for listening to the voice that told me not to go.
I would’ve decided to go the following day.
And, most likely, I would’ve had the same conversation with myself again in the morning…trying to talk myself out of it.

I know this because I’ve done it.

I’ve questioned myself.
I’ve pushed aside my “gut” feelings.
I’ve downplayed things that I was feeling.

And I’m sure you have as well.
You most likely still do.

Well, I’m here to tell you that you no longer have to do that!

You can give yourself permission to do everything I listed above!

Your experiences matter, your feelings matter, and your needs matter!

You matter!!!!

It may make you uncomfortable to acknowledge this and ask for what you need.
But that is ok!
You’re most likely uncomfortable now, anyway!

What do you want to challenge today?
What do you want to ask for?
What feeling do you want to allow yourself to feel today?

If you want to discuss this or anything else, click the link above and schedule your free 30-minute consultation.
Let’s chat!

As always, feel free to leave any questions or comments.
I’d love to hear from you!
❤️