“When our heart is at peace, we see them as people.
When our heart is at war, we see them as obstacles.” The Arbinger Institute

This quote is from an amazing book that I am reading called The Anatomy of Peace.”

It’s a book that is recommended by the wilderness program Alex is in.
I started listening to it on my walk this morning, and it literally had me in tears.
Because it really hit home with me.

Let me step back to Monday before I go on.

My husband and I participate in group workshops on Monday nights.
These are held by one of the founders of said wilderness program.
The purpose is to get support and offer support to the other parents, and there is a topic of discussion as well.
Monday’s topic of discussion was communication between our kids and us, and Troy, the founder, said, “If our heart is at war with them, it will show in the letter. If you are at peace, it shows you are ready to work with them.”

That REALLY hit home with me.

It made me think of past conversations with the boys and with Greg.
The times I would go at them while I was pissed off.
I yelled at Nick because he wasn’t doing well at school.
I got snarky and sarcastic with Greg when he didn’t do something I wanted him to or didn’t do it the way I wanted him to.
I showed anger and embarrassment to Alex about his relapses.
Sooo, many interactions.

And the result was never what I wanted it to be.

Nick didn’t do better in school.
Greg didn’t do the things I wanted him to, or if he did, he did them wrong.
And Alex relapsed.

They responded defensively because my heart was at war.
I didn’t see them as people.
I saw them as obstacles…as problems.

These cycles continued for years because I didn’t know my heart was at war, not peace.

Wow.
So fucking eye-opening.

Since I started with life coaching, I have been dissecting and exploring my relationship with my husband and sons and have learned SO much about how I interact with them.

I learned they can’t make me feel a certain way.
What I think about what they did made me feel that way.
The actions I took or didn’t take and the results that occurred were all on me.
And because I started taking responsibility for the results that happened in my life, my relationships with them have grown so much.

But there are always new occurrences that can result in uncomfortable conversations.

I actually have one coming up this weekend with my younger son.
I now 100% recognize that for him to listen and hear what I am saying, my heart must be at peace.
f my heart is at war, he won’t hear me, and he will act defensively (or ignore me), just like before.

When I think about him and the conversation, we will have and why I want to have it.
It’s not because I am mad at him.
It’s because I love him, and I want him to grow.

I’d say that means my heart is at peace.

Now, this doesn’t mean that I’m perfect.
That I will never have war in my heart.
It means I am aware that this can/will happen.

And, because I am aware, I can change it if I wish.

So, if you find yourself constantly thinking
“My husband doesn’t do the things I want him to do!”
“My husband never does anything right!”
“My kids don’t ever listen to me!
“My co-worker never does their part!”

Or…things like that…

Consider this…
It may be because when you communicate with them, your heart is at war instead of peace.

I am the Get Real coach for women; what you see is what you get.
I can help you see if your heart is at war or peace.
We can talk about it if you want to change that or not.

Click on the link above and schedule your free consultation.
I can help.
I want to help.

I live unapologetically me, and I can help you live unapologetically YOU!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!
❤️

PS- the picture is a throwback to 2017, our first time ziplining as a family.