It doesn’t have to be that way..
It’s very interesting to me that I can see memes on social media that make me chuckle, but also reflect something that I used to get pretty worked up about.
This one definitely did that! I you can’t see the whole thing, it is a mom standing in front of a very full refrigerator. The caption is- Family- There’s nothing to eat! The mom- DAFUQ you talking about!!??
If I were going away for a few days I would exhaust myself the days previous to me leaving.
I would make lists.
I would go to multiple grocery stores.
I would cook and bake and cook and bake.
I would make sure that the fridge and pantry were stocked.
I would make sure the house was clean.
I would drive myself into the ground!
Greg and the boys would need nothing!
I took care of it all!
Look at me!
I’m amazing…..and fucking exhausted!
And, then....I'd get home and 99% of the food would still be there and the house would be a mess.
Oh how I took offense to that!
Oh how I would get pissed off!
Oh how I would think that they were so rude to not eat what I prepared.
Oh how pissed I would get that they would get take-out every night.
Oh how mad I was that they couldn’t bother to clean.
Going away just was not worth it if THIS is what I was going to come home too!
Why does it have to be this way?
It took me quite some time to realize that it most definitely did not have to be that way. I was the one making it that way. It was all my fault. It was all because of my thoughts.
Thoughts like:
I’m a wife and a mom, this is what I have to do. Uh…definitely resulted in me feeling resentful!
A good wife and mom doesn’t go away without her family. Yup…guilty…party of one!
If I don’t do all of this they won’t eat well. Martyr much?
Those thoughts and others like them are what drove me to the actions listed above. They caused me to have results that I just didn't love. They caused me pain. They kept me in a loop of unpleasantness.
Through life coaching, I started to learn how to challenge those thoughts. When I truly came to learn that:
-As a wife and a mom (hell, as a human) there is nothing that I HAVE to do. There is no spouse or parenting handbook written in stone that says this is the way things have to be done. My husband never said that he expected any of this from me. He knew that that would figure things out, he’s a pretty smart guy! I put that all on me.
-I knew in my heart that having time to myself, to be Steph…and not mom or a wife filled my cup. I knew I felt rejuvenated when I was away. My family never said I was a bad wife or mother because I wanted to have that time to myself. (Well, two family members said that to my husband…but I don’t care what they think.) My husband loved having alone time with the boys. Times when he could be with them and do “guy” things and not have me interfere! That is a good thing!!
-Who cares if they eat takeout or go out every night while I’m away? Who cares if they split a pound of bacon for breakfast? It’s only for a few days, they were all happy and healthy, and that’s what matters! My way is not always the right way….and his way is not always the wrong way. There is give and take, which is an important lesson to learn!
Looking back, I can see it was an ego thing too. I thought I had all of the answers. I thought they couldn't survive without me. I put on the illusion of being the “perfect” mom and wife, and I didn’t want anyone to think differently.
Well, I probably don’t have to tell you that is all bullshit.
No one has all of the answers.
Of course, they could survive without me.
There is no such thing as perfection.
What other people think about me is none of my business.
I write this because I want you to know that you can challenge the thoughts that you have.
Just because you’ve “always” believed them, doesn't mean you have to continue.
Things CAN be different if you want them to be different.
Small shifts in our thinking can make a HUGE impact on our lives!
I can show you how!
Click on my link to schedule your free 30 minute chat with me today.
I want to help. xo
