My sons forgot my birthday…

I celebrated my 54th birthday this week, and I almost ruined my day.

Let me go back in time for a minute…to last year.
My sons did not remember it last year.
Nope, I didn't get a "happy birthday" text or phone call from either of them.

I didn’t think much of it in the morning, but as the day went on, I got sadder and sadder.
I kept telling myself that it didn't matter and that I knew that it didn't mean they didn't love me.
I totally undermined my feelings and felt sad about it for days.

I never said anything to either of them about it.

Well, fast forward to this year.

What did I wake up thinking?

“Well… Is either of them going to remember this year?”
(And the way I was saying it in my head was very snarky.)

They both live in CO (there is a two-hour time difference), so I pushed the thought aside because I knew if they were going to contact me, it wouldn't be until the end of the day.

During the day, I was fine…kept myself busy and didn’t think much about it.

Then evening came, and it got later and later.

I kept checking my phone in case I missed an incoming text or phone call.

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

I started feeling very sad and agitated because I started questioning their love for me.
And, honestly, I thought they were being ungrateful little jerks.

I then remembered I was “Coach Steph,” not just their mom.

So, I stopped what I was doing, admitted to myself that I was sad and agitated, sat on the couch, and closed my eyes. I took deep breaths and went into my body. I felt what I was feeling. I allowed it.

I breathed in and out, in and out…until I was less charged.

I then asked myself if I wanted to continue feeling sad and agitated.
The answer was a resounding “NO!

I told myself I had three choices:

• Continue thinking and feeling this way.

• Ignore what I was thinking and feeling.

• Think differently and do something different.

I decided to think differently and do something different.

Before I tell you what I did, I want to explain something. I only did this because I could get myself to a more neutral place by pausing, breathing, and processing.

I did not do it out of anger.
I did not do it out of sadness.

I did it just because I wanted to.
I did it because I wanted to chat with them on my birthday.

And that’s ok.

So here’s what I did….

I thought, “Heck, I don’t have just to sit here and wait for them to call or text me! I can reach out to them if I want to chat!”

I picked up my phone and texted them individually, "Hey you! Wish your amazingly wonderful mother a happy birthday!"

I immediately got three rapid-fire text messages from my younger son,
"Oh my god, you're fucking kidding me.”
“ I know your birthday is like the back of my hand, but I thought tomorrow was the 10th. Fuck.”
“ Happy birthday, I love you so much; thank you for being the best mother in the world."
(He's always been a suck-up. LOL!)

I answered him back,
“Thank you. I love you. I just wanted to hear from you today.”
Then we went on to chat about a class that he would be taking in a few days.

And then there was my older son.
This is what I got,
"Happy Mother’s Day!"
"Happy Birthday!"
"Double fuck."
And I literally burst out laughing!

I told him that he cracks me up and that I love him.
Then we went on to chat about his job and some other things.

I had a nice conversation with them and went to bed with a smile that night.

Here’s the crazy thing about this.
I wasn’t feeling agitated and sad because they weren’t texting me.
I didn’t go to bed with a smile that night because I chatted with them.

It’s because of how I was thinking about things.

I know, I know.
WTF does that mean?

I’ll explain,
When I woke up that day, I was already thinking negatively. I was already assuming they weren’t going to reach out to me. My brain went right back to last year and what I was thinking and feeling…and it brought me right back to that place.

I didn’t even question it.
I automatically believed it.

There goes that motivational triangle…my brain was:

• Trying to conserve energy by just thinking what I thought last year. (It’s too hard to think differently. Just go with what you know.)

• Trying to avoid the pain of thinking differently. (Why bother? You’re just going to get hurt.)

• Trying to seek the comfort of those old thoughts. (Go with what you know. It feels better.)

That’s what the brain does.

But, when we become aware of this and recognize the pattern that we are in, we can change it. We can make it what we want it to be.

And that is accomplished by doing what I did.
Stop
Recognize what you are feeling
Close your eyes
Take deep breaths and go into your body (Not into your brain, into your body!)
Let yourself feel what you are feeling without judgment.
Allow it.
Process it.
Keep doing this until you are less charged.

Doing this allowed me to open up…think differently, feel differently, and have a different experience.

(The goal is not always to feel “better.” The goal is to bring awareness to what you are thinking and feeling. Sometimes we want to change it; sometimes, we want to stay in it.)

This is something that, as your coach, I can help you with.
I can help you recognize why you feel the way you feel.
I can help you see how your thoughts create your results.

If you’d like to see if we are a good fit to work together, please click the link to schedule your free 30-minute consultation.

I would love to help you!
XO