Stop, breathe and stick to the facts…

I had a horrible nightmare about my son Nick last night. I’m not going to go into details, but it was terrible. I woke up in a panic because it felt so real, and I kept reliving it in my mind over and over.

My brain wanted to stay in that panic…call him, text him, but he may not answer, he’s across the country, and I don’t know what is going on… he’s hurt, he’s dead, he’s hurt, he’s dead. Yeah, this is where it was going…spinning, spinning.

I got up and went into the bathroom to get a glass of water. I looked in the mirror and took about five really deep breaths, and told myself, “Stick to the facts!” No making shit up; just stick to the facts.

Five more deep breaths and I wrote down the facts:
It was just a dream; I know that because I woke up in bed
In my dream, he was a little boy; he is a 21-year-old man now
There are no text messages or phone calls from him or Alex saying something is wrong
There were no phone calls from the police, hospital, friend, etc.

I admit as I was writing these things, my brain then tried to tell me that it was a sign. That, ok, he’s not a little boy anymore, but it was a sign that something was going to happen to him.

Stop! Stop!

Five more deep breaths…stick to the facts:
I had been texting with right before I went to sleep
I had been texting Alex right before I went to sleep
I got my “good night; I love you” texts back from both of them

It was a dream (a horrible one) but nothing more. Do not make something out of nothing. Yes, it freaked me out; it would have freaked anyone out. That is 100% normal, but that does not mean you have to spiral out of control.

I lay back down and continued concentrating on my breathing. This time three breaths in, hold for 3, 3 breaths out; I focused my ears on the white noise machine while doing the breath work…and finally fell back to sleep.

When I awoke this morning and checked my text messages, there was one from him. He had sent it about an hour after I fell back to sleep, and it was a picture of a Lego set for the Great Pyramid of Giza that he wanted to get. He was looking at Legos online while I was going through all of that! I was so happy to see that text!

I’m also thrilled that I did not let myself lose it in the middle of the night. There were numerous times that I had been coached by my coach on spinning out when I didn’t know what was going on with them. I would get a call or a text saying that they weren’t getting along, or Nick hated his job and wanted to quit, or Alex was having a tough day.

Instead of taking these conversations as them just needing an ear to speak into or a moment to clear their heads, I would make up stories in my head about what was “really” going on and cause myself SO much pain and misery! 

More often than not, I’d find that they were just fine after talking to me.  They did what they needed to do to move on. All while I was “stuck” in my head. 

I am so glad that I don’t do that anymore. 

”Stop, breathe and stick to the facts” is one of the most important sentences I can tell you.  If we don’t stick to the facts, we can go off on tangents and make ourselves miserable.  We don’t have to do that to ourselves!  We can stop, take some deep breaths and remind ourselves….stick to the facts. 

Your husband leaves for work without kissing you goodbye?  And, your brain wants to go to…he’s mad at me, I must have done something wrong, he doesn’t love me anymore. 

Stop, breathe, and stick to the facts…all you know is that he was home, and now he’s not.  You don’t know any more than that…do not make up a story.  You do that, and you’ll have yourself in a frenzy and probably worried sick by the time he gets home!  Maybe he was running late or didn’t want to disturb you….you don’t know why he did that until he tells you.

You see on social media that two of your friends are out at lunch, and you weren’t invited?  And, your brain wants to tell you that they’re mad at you, you did something wrong, that they’re talking about you?

Stop, breathe, and stick to the facts…all you know is that two people you know are out having food.  You know nothing else about the situation; it probably has nothing to do with you.  Don’t make yourself sick with worry; it's just so not worth it!

You had a drink plan of 2 glasses of wine, and you ended up drinking the bottle?  And your brain wants to tell you that you are a worthless human being, that you can’t do anything right, that you may as well give up.

Stop, breathe, and stick to the facts…you drank more of a liquid substance than you planned on.  This says nothing about you as a human being; it means you are imperfect (welcome to being a human!) and have more work to do.

I hope what I am writing resonates with you and makes sense.  A Lot of our suffering can be stopped if we stop, breathe, and stick to the facts. 

I’d love to teach you how to do this.  Click on the link to schedule your free 30-minute consultation today.