We have choices…

When I was journaling this morning and reflecting on yesterday, I recognized something and wanted to share it with you all. 

My husband had an after-work dinner planned with colleagues last night, so I thought I'd have all day and evening to myself, and I planned my day accordingly.  Well, at about 1:45 pm, the elevator door opened, and in he walked.  I have to say that I was not happy about it.  I was pretty annoyed and cranky. I went about my day, but this morning when I was journaling, I realized that I had been thinking, "he doesn't even think about how this might affect me.”  So, I decided to throw that into a model:

C- My husband came home in the middle of the day.

T- He doesn't even think about how this might affect me.

F- annoyed

A- ask him why he is home (in a not-very-nice voice), slam my journal shut, roll my eyes, huff, and puff, ignore him, go into my office and shut the door, pick up my phone to text my sister and tell her how annoying he is (but, I put it down because I don't want to be there wife that starts a bitchfest about husbands), after 30 minutes, or so I put my sneakers on and went to the gym (that was good, although I didn't say goodbye to him), after the gym he was out at his work function, so I went about my night

R- I was affecting me.  (He was pretty much clueless and was not affected by my actions at all.)

After I wrote that all out, I realized that I had never had an actual conversation about what I think and feel when he comes home early.  My expectation had been that during work hours, he would be at work, and I would have the apartment to myself.  Well, since we moved in here three years ago, that expectation has not been met, and it has taken me this long to realize that I've never talked to him about it.  I've hinted, made "jokes" and had days like yesterday...but never sat down and talked to him.  I was doing what I had accused him of doing...I expected him to read my mind. 

So, from what I can see, these are my options:

1- I can continue to live that unintentional model.

2- Try to change my thought without talking to him.

3- Have a conversation with him and see if we can set up some guidelines. 

I don't want to continue to live that model; I feel like I have tried changing my thought about it without having a conversation and it hasn't "stuck"”

I'm choosing to have a chat with him and see if we can set up some guidelines. It’s taken me this long, but I finally get it!  

Obviously, he is "allowed" to come home whenever he wants.  He has free will to do what he wants, and I have free will to do what I want.  However, conversations can be had, and compromises can be made!

So, if you find yourself feeling a certain “way” that you don’t really like, then grab your journal or a piece of paper and write it all out.  Perhaps something will come to light, and then you can see what your choices are.

If you’re stuck, I absolutely can help you with this!  I can help you see what your choices are! We can discuss each one! We can figure out what is right for you!

Click on the link to schedule your free 30-minute consultation, and let’s discuss what you journaled about. 

I’d love to talk to you!

I’m here for you! xo