I found my brain spinning out my son yesterday morning while I was doing my journaling, and I wanted to share what I wrote with you.

I received confirmation that my son made it to the outdoor wilderness facility last week and talked to his therapist for a few minutes on Sunday.

His therapist said Alex was settling in and quite excited to be there.  His group is very small, with only five young men, and the other four only arrived the day before, so they are all on the same playing ground.

So why was my brain spinning?

Two main reasons-

1- Because I haven’t heard from Alex yet.

Now, mind you, he doesn’t have his phone or access to a computer. There is a family portal where we can send letters back and forth.

I wrote to him on Tuesday and wasn’t expecting an answer right away because he was on an outdoor adventure.  But now that it was Thursday morning, I was beginning to get worried.

2- Because of the way the letters get sent back and forth.

We send a letter through the portal, which is printed out by an administrator on the other side and given to him when he returns to base camp.

While out in the wilderness, he writes letters (if he wishes, but I’m sure he wishes to…lol.), then brings them back to base, gives them to the administrator, who then deciphers them and types them into the portal to send back to us.  And I knew it would take some time to get them to us because she had to do this for all the young men there.

I actually didn’t overthink this.  It seemed to make sense since I knew he wouldn’t have access to a computer, and they had to get into the family portal somehow.

Until someone suggested, the letters from him may be altered. Maybe they wouldn’t like what he was saying, so they’d fudge it to sound better than it was.

Well, fuck, that thought hadn’t even entered my brain….until it did.

So, that’s where my brain was this morning when I was journaling.

These are the things I was asking myself:

• What if he’s miserable?

• What if he’s freezing?

• What if he’s staving?

• What if he’s crying?

• What if he’s SO upset with us for sending him there?

I started to feel a sense of terror.
I felt nauseous and started breathing shallowly and really quickly, and I felt jittery.

I was thinking,
Ah…brain!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!

I got up from the couch, paced around the apartment a bit….then stopped and took some breaths.
I connected with what I was feeling and calmed myself down.

Then I asked myself…

What else can be true?

• He could be challenging himself in ways he never had before.

• He could be making lifelong friends.

• He could be finding his leadership skills again.

• He could be learning to love himself again.

• He could remember how much he loved climbing, hiking, camping, etc.

• He could be having fun.

• He could be SO grateful we sent him there!

THOSE are the thoughts I want to believe!

I GET to choose what I want to believe.

ALL these thoughts are stories I am telling myself because I don’t know.

I get to CHOOSE which stories I want to believe.

And I choose the latter because I have no proof of anything else.

We all knew this was going to be tough, and it is, but that doesn’t mean I need to torture myself!

Now, I am human, a mother, and a Life Coach (lol), so I know my brain will sometimes wander back to the panic. 
It’s going to start questioning itself again.

But I will recognize it, breathe, return to my journal, and remind myself what I want to believe.

This is a skill.

And I am so happy that I have learned this skill.

I am the Get Real coach for women; what you see is what you get.
I can teach you this skill.
I can teach you how to notice the stories you are telling yourself.
I can teach you how to choose which ones you want to believe.

Click on the link to schedule your free 30-minute consultation.

I live unapologetically me, and I can help you live unapologetically you!
XO

PS- About an hour after I wrote all of that in my journal and worked out what I was feeling, I got a phone call from Alex. He had a list of things he’d like from his apartment, so his therapist let him call me. It was SO great to hear his voice! He assures me he is doing well, is having fun and learning a lot, and feels so good to be clean.

I take this as proof that the universe gives you what you need! I needed to work through those feelings before talking to him. Yes, it may have been “easier” to hear from him before I got myself worked up, but it wouldn’t have helped me to get in tune with myself and learn and grow from that experience!