The things we do for love..

“The things we do for love.
(the things we do for love)
The things we do for love
(the things we do for love)” …10cc
(Anyone else remember this song? LOL.)

Like on a Friday afternoon when you tell your husband that you will drive the 1 hour + drive from NYC to NJ to pick up the taxes…

Then…drive the 1 hour + drive back from NJ to NYC on a Friday evening..so you know it’ll be more on the + side than the 1-hour side.  

Yes…
This is how I spent my day. 

Sounds exciting, huh?

You may think that I was not super excited about this.
And you would be right!

So, why did I do it?

I did it because tax season seriously stresses him out.
I did it because he’s been extremely stressed out by things going on in the financial world.
I did it because he has been on a work trip all week and won’t be home until tonight.
I did it because if I hadn’t, he would do it tomorrow, and, therefore, be gone most of Saturday.
I did it because I love him.

I did it because I CHOSE to do it.

Now, I am no saint!

A couple of weeks ago, when he was going to drive them out to the accountant on Saturday morning, he asked me if I wanted to go with him and “make a day of it.”  

My answer was…
“No thanks, that doesn’t sound like fun at all.”

Now, mind you.  I was away when he asked this and wasn’t going to land back in Newark until 11 pm Friday night.

I knew I was going to be tired, there were things I wanted to get caught up on since I had been away.

And, well…
I just didn’t want to!

I have to tell you that before life coaching, I would have felt bad that I had been away all week and that I didn’t want to do this with him.
I would have felt guilty for even thinking about saying no.
I would have thought that I was being a bad and selfish wife.
I would have been worried that he’d be mad at me if I said no.

I would have gone against what i really wanted and have begrudgingly said yes and gone with him.
I would have been tired and cranky on the drive, and it would not have been a pleasant experience for either of us.

I know this because that is exactly what I used to do.
I wouldn’t listen to what I really wanted.
99% of the time, I put others’ needs before mine. 

His
My kids’
Friends’
The PTOs’
My boss’s
Pretty much everyone’s

I didn’t want people to be mad at me.
I didn’t want to hurt people’s feelings.
I didn’t want people to think badly of me.

I wanted to be the perfect..wife, mother, friend, employee…etc etc etc.
I was the ultimate people pleaser…aka martyr.
I would say that I HAD to do these things and I REALLY believed it!  

Oh, if I had known then what I know now!
That it was ok to say no!
That it was ok if people were mad at me.
That it was ok to disappoint people.  

That I was CHOOSING to put other people’s needs in front of my own!

I would have saved myself so much turmoil!
I would have been able to have express what I really wanted!
I would have been able to be my true authentic self!

My eyes have been opened! LOL!

 So why the “change of heart” about the taxes?

It’s because when he asked me if I could do this today, I didn’t immediately say yes.
I told him that I had to check my calendar to see what I had going on. 
When I checked my calendar, I realized I had a pretty light afternoon.

I asked myself what I wanted to do…
The answer was that I was ok to do this.
I decided that I would grab a coffee and spend the time listening to my book on Audible, and that I was good with that.
(I do love driving my Mini Cooper, and since moving into NYC, I don’t get to drive it as much as I used too.)

And I also did it to please my husband.

Wait?!

Didn’t I just say that was “bad” and I didn’t do it anymore?
Nope, its totally different.

Of course, we all like to please people.
Of course, it’s okay to do things for others that you aren’t exactly super excited about.

It’s different because I CHOSE to do it. 
I wasn’t doing it out of a sense of obligation or martyrdom.
I was just doing it..

It’s that simple.

Okay, its not simple.
It is a skill.
It is a skill that we are not taught until now.

It is a skill that I have gotten quite good at, and I know I can help you get quite good at it too!
Click on my link above and schedule your free 30 minute consultation today!
Let’s see if we are a good fit to work together!

As always, please feel free to leave questions and comments below.
I’d love to hear from you!
xo