Parent’s Weekend 2019
I was talking with a friend yesterday and she was telling me how her sister had made herself sick that morning. Turns out her sister’s 28 year old son decided to go to his girlfriend’s family’s house for Thanksgiving instead of joining them. Her sister had herself all in a fit because her son was breaking tradition!
She had a manual for Thanksgiving.
They always got together on Thanksgiving!
You’re supposed to be with your family on Thanksgiving!
He’s being so rude!
She made up a story in her head:
He doesn't love me anymore.
His girlfriend is stealing him from me.
He likes her family more.
She spun out so much that she ended up giving herself a serious headache and missing most of the festivities with the family members that did join her.
And, the time that she was with them, she told everyone how wrong her son was and was basically miserable.
This reminded me of the parent’s weekend in Colorado that my husband and I went to in 2019 when my younger son was a freshman in college. This was before I started working with a life coach and I was pretty much like my friend's sister and did not have a good time.
I went there with the expectation of how the weekend was going to go.
We were going to spend the whole weekend together…morning, noon and night.
We were going to go to all of the family events together.
We were going to all dress up in our CU gear and have a ball at the football game together.
We were going to have all of our meals together.
Well, that is not what happened at all.
My older son, who was a sophomore at the time, was happy to do whatever I planned. He was up for it all.
My younger son, however, was not on board. We didn’t hear from him until late in the afternoon most days. He wasn’t the least bit interested in the organized activities, he wanted to hang out with his new friends. He never joined up for the football game because he wanted to sit in the student section with his friends. We were lucky to see him for an hour or so during the day, if at all.
I did not handle this well AT ALL!!! That is not how the weekend was supposed to go! He hadn’t seen me in 2 months! He was supposed to spend ALL of the time with me! I was hurt!
He didn’t love me anymore!
I kept vacillating between being really pissed off and sobbing my eyes out! I texted him constantly to see where he was and to and to tell him that I couldn’t believe he didn’t want to be with us. I had cocktails at dinner and then a bottle of wine after my husband went to sleep. I was a fucking mess!! On our last night he joined us for dinner and I was SO cold to him, I barely spoke to him. Then, of course, after we went back to the hotel I was pissed off at myself and drank some more!
We had gone all of the way and he acted like he didn’t care!
During this time and months afterwards I truly believed that he was downright wrong! That he was being cruel, selfish and downright mean!
Well, in 2020 I was introduced to the manual and was gobsmacked! I went on that trip with the idea that we were going to do everything that I wanted to do! I went there with the assumption that this is how parent’s weekend goes, and any other way was just wrong. Everyone knew that!!!
Oh man!!!
I never asked either of my sons what they wanted to do that weekend.
I never asked them if they already had some plans made.
I NEVER even asked them if they wanted us to come or not!
I never stopped to acknowledge and be proud of my son for making friends so quickly.
I never stopped to think that he was living his life, and that’s what he was meant to do.
I never stopped to think that he was growing up and prospering!!
I also learned that he wasn’t doing anything TO me! What he was doing had nothing to do with me, it was all about him. He wasn’t purposely trying to hurt me! He never said he didn’t love me. That was all a story I was telling myself.
MY thoughts caused MY feelings which drove MY actions…which resulted in me being mean to myself…in me not loving myself.
This blew my mind!!!
It took me a bit to work this all out in my brain and when I finally really got it I called my son and apoligized. I explained to him that I just didn’t know. That my eyes have been opened adn that I am working on figuring this stuff out. He was genuinely happy that I apologized and we had a really nice conversation about it.
I’m sharing this because…awareness, awareness, awareness. We cannot learn if we aren’t aware. We cannot change our lives if we aren’t aware.
Let me help you become aware. Click on the link to scheudle your free 30 minute consultation today! I want to help! xo
