3 thoughts to explore (Part 1)
1- He can’t do anything right!
2- He disrespects me so much!
3- I have to do everything around here!
These are thoughts that many women think of multiple times a day! These thoughts are causing women to feel annoyed, anxious, and downright pissed off! These are thoughts that women feel in their bones, and they are 100% a fucking FACT!!!
But are they? (Insert dramatic music here….if you could see me you would me cock my head and put my finger to my lips like they would in a movie when someone asks a question like this. LOL!)
Hmmm, let’s break them down and see. (I am going to use my relationship with my husband and past experiences to show my point, but you can probably insert just about anyone in here. Kid, mother, father, coworker, etc….I’m sure thoughts like these have come up when dealing with all of them and more!)
1- He can’t do anything right.
Is he doing it wrong because he’s not doing it your way? Well, yeah! That’s 100% what I used to think!
For example-
Greg would take the trash out but not put in a new bag. Everyone knows you put a bag in after you idiot!
He would fold the towels instead of rolling them like I do. Can’t he see how they’re supposed to be?! Seriously!
He would put dirty dishes into the sink right after I had put everything in the dishwasher! (I swear I felt like he was standing behind me lurking with a cup or something so he could swoop it in there at the exact right moment!) WTF dude!?
In every single one of these situations I thought that he was doing it wrong! Why? Because he wasn’t doing it the way that I do it. Duh! Let me take one of these circumstances and put it in a model so you can see how it plays out:
Circumstance- Greg took trash out but didn’t put in a new bag.
Thought- He can’t do anything right!
Feeling- annoyed AF
Actions- roll my eyes, huff and puff, shake my head, slam open the cabinet, snatch a garbage bag and make a big show up putting it into the can, slam can closed, ask him WTF he couldn’t finish the job and put the bag in, stomp upstairs to change into my pjs, stomp downstairs, grab my ipad and my headphones, sit on couch with headphones in and watch something on my iPad, ignore him, have a big cosmo because I “needed” it to cam me down
Result (in my life)- I’m not right. I’m not doing “it” right. To me the “it” is life.
All of this (waving my hands toward the computer and shaking my head)is because of a stupid garbage bag?! Seriously?! Unfortunately, this is the model that I lived in for many many years and it sucked!
Thank goodness I’ve had life coaching because I don’t act like this anymore. I don’t think it's a big deal anymore. What changed?
Well, I truly see that my way is not the only way. (Who did I think I was anyway!) I truly see that he isn’t doing anything wrong, he’s just doing it his way. And that’s ok!
I FOCUS ON WHAT HE IS DOING, INSTEAD OF WHAT HE’S NOT! I bolded that because I want you to see it! Our brain wants to go to the negative and tell us all of the things that are wrong with that situation. It somehow thinks that is saving us from something! That’s its natural course but we don’t have to go with that. We don’t have to believe it!! I got to decide whether I wanted to let it bother me or not! You get to decide that too!!! If you decide that you want to let it piss you off then fine, that is your prerogative. But own it!! Own that you are choosing to be pissed off.
So, I want to finish this off by showing you what model I live in now regarding this situation.
C- Greg took trash out but didn’t put in a new bag.
T- Huh, look at that, there’s no bag in the can
F- neutral
A- get a bag and put it in the can, go about my business
R- Huh, look at that, no drama
Which model would you rather me living in? I choose the second and my life is better by leaps and bounds!!
I am going to go through thought #2 tomorrow and thought #3 on Sunday. I want to take them each individually because they are thoughts that women think A LOT (or ones very similar) and I want to show what the repercussions are of that, and that it doesn’t have to be that way.
Click on the link to schedule a free consultation with me to discuss any of this! I know that this seems way too “easy” and there are doubts running through your head. I can help you, because I have been there!
Until tomorrow! xoxo
The picture with this blog is from 1988 when we first started dating. We’ve had our ups and downs but continue to learn and grow every day!
(The self coaching model was developed by Brooke Castillo of The Life Coach School)
