The lark and the night owl..
This meme made me chuckle out loud.
(If you didn’t see the meme….go back to the blog page and check it out. This blog will make much more sense! LOL!)
No one can be held responsible for their words and actions when spoken to before coffee!
But seriously,
My husband is a morning person.
He always has been.
He pops out of bed when his alarm goes off, sometimes waking up before it goes off!
His idea of sleeping in is 7 am! (Still trying to wrap my mind around this! LOL!)
I am 100% NOT a morning person!
(I blame it on my mother! LOL!)
I have always been more of a night owl.
I usually have to set my alarm to get up.
I usually snooze the alarm at least 5 times before I get out of bed.
There is no popping out of bed…it is more like a slow roll.
On a “normal” day, I don’t roll out of bed until 8:30 or so.
They do say that opposites attract!
We couldn’t be more opposite on this!
Insert the significance of that meme here…
He gets up hours before I do…and usually consumes 3 cups of coffee or so during that time.
He watches the news on the tv or reads the news on his iPad for a couple of hours.
His battery is fully charged…..
I get up..sleepily, go downstairs, and WHAMMO!
He starts chattering away at me!
Tells me what he’s read in the news, a dream he had, what he wants to do for the day, etc etc.
He asks me about my plan for the day, what I want to do for meals that day, etc etc.
I have to tell you….this used to ANNOY THE SHIT OUT OF ME!!
I did not respond very well to this.
I used to get really snippy and nasty with him….just because he was talking to me.
And he usually would get upset….snippy right back (obviously!).
Not a pleasant way to start the day!
I used to think that he was wrong for doing this and that he was causing me to get annoyed and deserved for me to react this way!
I allowed this simple action from him to drive a wedge between us.
I swore this wedge would stay between us forever!
We had this type of interaction almost every morning!
Since life coaching, I realized that the wedge didn’t have to be there at all; nevertheless forever.
I realized he didn’t have to change a darned thing for it to disappear.
I realized that the wedge was there because of how I was thinking about this morning “routine.”
I thought,
“Ugh, he’s so fucking annoying!”
“Fuck, I’m not ready for this!”
“You think he’d know by now not to talk to me as soon as I get up!”
I wanted him to change!
(Clearly, I did not learn that he wasn’t going to! This had been going on for over 20 years! LOL!)
None of those thoughts were pleasant, and none inspired a good mood.
Thank goodness I have learned that I am the one that is in control of my thoughts, feelings, and actions.
I have learned that if I want things to change, then I am the one that can inspire that change.
I have learned that I don’t have to believe all the thoughts that come into my head!
So, what I have decided to do is this:
When I get up in the morning, I have a little talk with myself.
I remind myself that he will be jacked up on coffee and ready to talk.
I remind myself that there is nothing wrong with that.
I remind myself that he just wants to share his thoughts with me.
I remind myself that we are different, and that is ok.
I remind myself that he loves me.
I take a deep breath, center myself and go downstairs to start our routine and usually have a very pleasant conversation.
I do this for myself and the sake of my marriage.
I’m not going to lie.
There are days when I am just cranky and want to be left alone.
There are days when I do get a little snippy anyway.
It’s ok!
I am human!
The difference from before is that I can recognize it right away and communicate with him.
If I want to be left alone, I let him know (in a nice way).
If I get snippy, I apologize and tell him why.
It doesn’t grow back into that wedge that separates us.
I know this may seem like a silly thing, it may seem so small.
How could I let such a small thing drive a wedge between us?
It’s not really small because it was something that was there most days.
It’s not really small because I was not having a pleasant result from this.
We often undermine the “small” things in our lives because we think they aren’t worth addressing.
We don’t recognize the effect that they are having on our lives.
But, just think about it…
If a “small” thing occurs day after day and causes negative results in your life, then it is actually a pretty big thing.
if multiple “small” things occur and cause negative results in your life, then it’s actually a pretty big thing.
There will always be small and big things in our lives that are not ideal.
But,
The realization that we get to decide how we want to think about them is huge!
The realization that we don’t have to believe every thought that pops into our heads is huge!
The realization that others don’t have to change for us to feel better is huge!
I can help you become aware of your thoughts about the small things and the big things!
I can teach you that you get to decide what you want to think!
I can teach you that others don’t have to change for you to feel better.
Click on my link to schedule your free 30-minute consultation.
Let’s see if we are a good fit to work together!
I can help you!
xo
As always, please feel free to leave any questions or comments!
