There will always be triggers….

I heard a song the other day that I haven’t heard in quite a while.  

It was “Grenade” by Bruno Mars. 

I used to love that song….but I grew to dislike it because it brought me back to a difficult time in my marriage.  

I couldn’t listen to it for a long time because of the emotions I felt when it came on.  

It was most definitely a trigger.

Gosh for years I felt like I was being gutted like a fish when it came on.  (I know that sounds rather dramatic but that’s what it felt like.)  

I would cry from extreme sadness and anger, I would shut down to the world around me and go into the past, I would drink to numb the pain and avoid everything and everyone. 

Thankfully, this time, I did not feel that.    

When it came on, I was like, “Hmm, haven’t heard this in a minute.” (You can thank my sons for that term! LOL!)

I was actually pretty curious as how I was going to respond to it, remembering how I’ve responded in the past.

Here’s what happened:

*I stopped what I was doing and kind of reflected on it for a minute.  

* I remembered how I used to feel when it came on.  

*I noticed that I was feeling a bit sad, but not the intense pain I used to feel.  

* I paid attention to the sadness.

*I let myself feel it.

*I didn’t judge myself because I “still” felt sadness.  

*I didn’t get the urge to smack my husband upside the head. LOL!

The song ended, and I started thinking about how to put this in writing because I wanted to explain to you all how you can be “hit” by a trigger and not do things you don’t want to do in repond to it.

Let me assure you:

Not responding to triggers like this did not happen overnight.

Not responding to triggers like this took a lot of work on my part.

I had a therapist for a while.

*Until I felt like we just kept rehashing “that time” over and over and over again.

*I recognized that was not what I wanted to do, I was tired of feeling stuck.

I’d like to say that I found my life coach right after that.  But, alas that is not what happened.

*For about 10 years I “dealt” with it on my own.

*I “dealt” with it by immersing myself into my boys’ lives.

*I “dealt” with it by keeping myself very busy.

*I “dealt” with it by drinking a whole lot.

FINALLY at the end of 2019, I started working with my life coach.  

I was ready to start dealing with my shit…for real!  

Well, as you can guess, since I am a life coach now…working with her helped me immensely!

Life coaching is not about rehashing the same old shit over and over again.

Life coaching is about recognizing, being aware and moving on!

Oh the things I have learned!

I learned how to tune into my thoughts and feelings.

I learned that my thoughts are what cause my feelings….not people, events or other circumstances.

I learned that I could choose how I wanted to think about things.

I learned that I didn’t have to believe everything that I thought.  

I learned that I could have “negative” feelings and still not take “negative” actions (like drinking a crap ton and/or shutting down from the world).

I learned that while the memory will always be there, the intense pain doesn’t have to be.

I learned that there will always be triggers, but we don’t have to act on them. 

I learned that I have way more control than I ever thought!

These are the MOST important skills that I have ever learned in my life!

This shit blows my mind every single day!!

Because I have learned these skills, and because I have “been there” with so many life experiences (good and bad) I know I can help you with whatever shit is going on in your life.  

I can show you how to deal with ALL THE THINGS!

I can help you see what control you have!

Interested?

Click on the link above to schedule your free 30 minute consultation.

Let’s talk about it!

Let’s see if we are a good fit to work together!

I want to help you!

Xo