Reflecting on Thanksgivings past..
Happy Thanksgiving Eve!!!
Today I was reflecting on the past Thanksgivings and the things I didn’t know then…but am so grateful to know now.
I wanted to share with you:
For 20+ years, my husband and I hosted Thanksgiving dinner at our house.
For 20+ years, I spent the week before Thanksgiving running around like a crazy person and stressed out to the gills!!
For 20+ years, I also thought:
We must invite everyone from our families, or people will get upset.
I must cook everything; it is rude to ask people to bring food.
The house has to be immaculate because guests are coming.
It is rude to ask people to go home.
It is rude to say no to guests that ask to stay overnight.
It is rude to go to bed before everyone leaves.
The house needs to be cleaned before I go to bed.
However, even with these thoughts, I convinced myself that I loved hosting and that it was “so much fun.” I told people that I had everything under control and was feeling great about it!
30+ people every Thanksgiving Day?
Sure!!
Bring it on!!
What I realize now, was that I wasn’t telling myself the whole truth and wasn’t being truthful to my family. However, I also didn’t know any better. I didn’t know then what I know now.
In January 2020, I started working with my life coach and started learning that it was my thoughts about situations that caused me to feel a certain way, not the situation itself. I learned about manuals, boundaries, social norms, the stories we tell ourselves, how it is not selfish to ask for what we want…and SO much more.
In 2021 I decided to attend The Life Coach School and become a certified life coach because I wanted to continue to learn, AND I wanted other women to know what I now know! I wanted them to know that their lives can be different!!
I know many of you are having the same thoughts that I used to have!
If I could go back in time, I would tell myself:
You are stressed out because of the thoughts that you are having about the holiday, not because of the holiday itself!
You are putting all that pressure on yourself because you think you HAVE to do all of those things!
You are being a total people pleaser and putting everyone else’s needs above your own!
You ARE allowed to:
Ask people to bring stuff or order in!
Invite people that you only want to spend time with!
Tell people the party is over, and nope, you can’t spend the night!
Go to bed when you are tired!
Leave the house messy!
Allowed to put your needs above others!!
I can only imagine how much better I would have felt if I had known these things back then!! How I would have shown up for myself! How I would have treated my husband and kids! How much more enjoyable the whole thing would have been!!!
Obviously, I cannot go back in time, but I can share what I have learned with you with the hopes that you can recognize some things that may be going on with you. And with some questions that you can ask yourself.
How do you feel about the day?
What are you thinking to cause that feeling?
Are you pushing your needs aside and being a total people pleaser?
Are there things that you can do (or not do) to help your day go better?
Are you telling yourself that you have to do all of these things?
Are you really having fun? If not, what can you change?
I hope you have a very happy Thanksgiving!!!
PS- We haven’t hosted since 1999 because we sold our house and moved into an apartment. If we ever host again, I know I will do it differently!! xoxo
